Perspective...

I am currently making my way through So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore? And finding it so revealing and confronting on a deeply personal level, especially regarding God's unconditional love for and acceptance of me. I have always, always struggled with this aspect of faith, maybe being able to comprehend what it means in theory, but never instinctively able to accept it as real and meaningful in my own life and relationship with God.

I can't say I am at that point of accepting that unconditional love, but I think my perception and understanding of it is being changed. I have a wonderful, beautiful friend who struggles daily.... Despite being extremely intelligent, articulate and deeply caring she can only see herself as worthless, and often wonders aloud why I would want to be friends with someone like her, someone so unworthy.

She is bravely confronting her demons, but most of the time is unable to recognise her inherent worth and beauty. But despite this, despite her reasoning with me that she is wholly unworthy, I cannot be convinced. If I am honest, sometimes it can be more than a little frustrating, but most of the time it makes me sad and angry that for some reason or other she cannot she what a beautiful soul she is. I can suddenly see that this is probably the same frustration God experiences over me, my refusal to see myself as worthy or beautiful. The same (but more infinitely patient) love, that pursues me and my fears at a relentless pace.

I am not articulating this as well as I would have hoped, but it is true that my perspective has definitely changed, a step in the right direction has hopefully been made. But it's still so confusing. Where, where to start?